


Doubts

by mymastermine (littlelapin)



Category: Elsword (Video Game)
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-22
Updated: 2015-04-22
Packaged: 2021-03-15 02:48:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,911
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28806090
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlelapin/pseuds/mymastermine
Summary: Mastermind’s insecurities rear their ugly head.
Relationships: LPMM - Relationship, Lunatic Psyker/Mastermind, MMLP - Relationship, Mastermind/Lunatic Psyker





	Doubts

Eyelids gradually fluttered open, blinking sleepily. Groggy magenta hues stared at a peaceful sleeping face just inches away. It took his delayed brain minutes to finally understand his situation, but Mastermind had to resist the urge to jump back at the sight slowly becoming apparent before him. Psyker had his arms wrapped around his waist, but meanwhile Mastermind had his head resting comfortably on Psyker’s chest—they were cuddling.

Mastermind would have broken away from Psyker if he was sure it wouldn’t wake him up, but instead his only other option was burying his face against the brawler’s chest. None of which did anything to help curb his embarrassment. Because this was weird. No, maybe weird wasn’t the right word.

He lifted his head just slightly to glance at Psyker’s sleeping face again.

Weird, he had thought, when he had actually meant… different. This certainly was different. There was always that physical attraction they had prior, or at least on his end, but now they were connected more than just physically—they were connected emotionally as well.

It was still hard to wrap his mind around the fact that he and Psyker were, well, together now. Actually, admitting that just in the comfort of his own thoughts made him hesitate and fumble.

But they were together now…? It wasn’t as if he had had doubts, but nothing was ever said officially. Did this type of thing even warrant some kind of formal declaration? Although, thinking on that one night when Psyker returned to him… wasn’t that confession a declaration enough? And technically, he accepted his… confession, so to speak.

A faint blush dusted across the scientist’s cheeks at the thought of being intimate with Psyker like that again. (And what he had said that night certainly implied there would be an again.)

Mastermind’s eyes shifted downwards, eyelids drooping as he felt a frown tug at his lips. The fact that these insecurities would choose to swell up now frustrated him, because now that he started he couldn’t help but feed some of those thoughts.

He could accept they were together, but everything was just so new to him.

Still, he couldn’t help but worry over things… things like what could he and couldn’t he do? And what was alright for Psyker?

Certainly these kinds of worries and doubts are what came with a relationship, but this was just ridiculous.

Wary eyes travelled back to Psyker’s sleeping face.

At some point in his distressed thoughts, he realized he had the urge to kiss Psyker. Would that be something that was okay? Certainly it was fine, and it was ridiculous to think otherwise but… Mastermind stared longingly at Psyker’s lips and felt a jolt of emotions course through him. He ended up rolling over, with as little movement as possible, to turn away as if that would stop these feelings he couldn’t put a name to.

–

Mastermind had thought the close and private proximity from earlier in the morning is what had threw him into a fit of doubt and insecurities. So, when he came face to face with the berserker again he had tried to get close and found that he couldn’t. He was bitterly disappointed.

He had a hand reached out, intent on grasping for the other’s hand, but just as his fingertips brushed against his hand, Psyker turned around in time to see Mastermind’s attempt.

The scientist froze on the spot when he realized he was caught. He felt cold as another unknown emotion rooted him to where he stood. Quickly, he jolted his hand back and turned away.

Over his shoulder he heard, “What is it, Mastermind?”

He quickly cleared his throat, desperately trying to regain his composure. “It’s… it’s nothing.”

Had Mastermind been facing Psyker, he would have saw the displeased look the brawler was currently making. However, that look gave way to a softer expression as he closed the distance between them, placing a reassuring hand on the scientist’s shoulder. “If you want to talk,” Psyker faltered, though briefly, and Mastermind noticed. But the brawler quickly recovered, his next words were ringing with confidence, “Ya know I’ll listen. What’s up?”

_Can I kiss you?_

The words were stuck in his throat. Why was it so hard to ask? Hell, he shouldn’t really need to ask. It was just a simple gesture. They’d done it before. He really couldn’t fathom why this was so hard and why he was so hesitant, so insecure. In the midst of his thoughts, he felt arms circle around him his middle and, without realizing it, gingerly relaxed into Psyker’s embrace.

A hand reached down to settle comfortably against one of the brawler’s hands. As his thoughts wandered aimlessly, his fingers lightly ran patterns along Psyker’s skin.

It was so simple for Psyker, these gestures of affection. So, why couldn’t he do it too?

It took the prickle of tears at the corner of his eyes to slowly fall to realize he was about to cry. Worried that the berserker would see, he struggled out of Psyker’s hug. When he realized what he had done, fear had struck him frozen. But he weakly glanced back anyway, and found a look of shock forming on Psyker’s face. He turned on his heel immediately, whirling around. He refused to see what other looks would follow if he stayed and began to walk away briskly. “Maybe some other time,” he called out noncommittally. Once he was sure he was out of Psyker’s sight, his quick steps gradually gave way to a full-out run. 

–

Normally, this late in the night, Mastermind would be busying himself in his lab. However, he sat at the kitchen table instead. A chilling cup of coffee went untouched as he swirled the contents distractedly. His anxieties were slowly eating at him. He stirred the spoon, mulling over his thoughts about one particular brawler.

He went out of his way to stay away from Psyker. If the brawler tried to get close, Mastermind would maneuver away from his grasp and slip away. If he tried to get him to talk, the scientist would retreat to his lab. When he wasn’t trying to comfort him, Psyker was trying to coax him into talking about what was wrong. Mastermind couldn’t handle either, and he couldn’t bear to see the possible pain on Psyker’s face if he rejected him like that again. Still, he missed the soft touches, the playful kisses… and he supposed he couldn’t run away from Psyker forever, realizing this was hurting him too most likely.

He growled, grabbing at a handful of hair, gritting his teeth.

If he could just get over these silly insecurities holding him back…!

“So about that other time?”

Mastermind inwardly flinched, but remained motionless. Suddenly, he was perfectly content with fixing all of his attention on the coffee.

Psyker wordlessly watched him for a bit before moving to pull out the chair to take a seat directly opposite Mastermind. He folded his arms on top of the table, still watching him, his eyes questioning but not intruding nor demanding.

Which Mastermind noticed, finally looking up, giving into the urge of wanting to meet Psyker’s eyes. He bashfully held eye contact, managing a small smile. It hadn’t been that long since this mess, but it still felt like forever since they had been this close. Ah, but that was his fault anyway, wasn’t it. With that thought, he cringed, hanging his head as he glanced away, feeling a wave of guilt rise over him.

Psyker felt his heart clench painfully as he watched Mastermind retreat from him, again. Without really thinking, he reached out and placed his hand on top of Mastermind’s hand, wanting to soothe his distressed lover.

“Don’t!” The scientist jerked back from his touch, recoiling his hand back into him, even turning away.

Truthfully, Psyker was scared. He couldn’t think of anything that was causing the other to carry on like this. And on top of not knowing what the problem was, Mastermind was running from him. Again. Why couldn’t he just let him in? Couldn’t he see he was trying to help? But he couldn’t afford to be afraid, not when Mastermind was like this. He swallowed audibly before trying again, moving around the table to stand near him, “Mastermind? Please, what’s going on? How can I help you if you won’t let me—”

“Because _I_ should be able to do this!”

The brawler halted at that. Without really thinking about it, his hands shot out to, once again, soothe Mastermind, running his hands along his shoulders gently. “Do what?” His voice was soft.

“That, this. You’re always doing things like this, I just… I just wanted to do something like this for you too!” Mastermind’s voice raised an octave here, desperation clear in his voice. It gave way to more a defeated tone after though, “I wanted to try …for you, I wanted to show you I care too—” A sob finally left him, his entire body shaking with each sob. “But I…”

Psyker’s hands stopped, but only momentarily. He readjusted his arms so they would loosely hang around Mastermind’s shoulders, forming a loose hug. “You don’t need to force yourself, you know.” He leaned down slightly, so that he could rest his chin on top of Mastermind’s head.

“But I want to,” replied Mastermind, almost immediately. 

And here, the berserker was curious what it was Mastermind wanted anyway. “Want to what?”

“Kiss you.”

That struck something within Psyker, and he felt his cheeks grow warm. He was thankful that Mastermind couldn’t see. But that sudden honesty, with no hesitation behind it… Was this the same Mastermind, fretting over his thoughts mere seconds ago? Psyker had to smile at that. He even looked away, despite Mastermind still not being able to see him, willing away the color to his cheeks. After a few seconds more, he coolly replied, “Then do it.”

Mastermind seemed shocked with the simple answer. He even turned around, willingly meeting Psyker’s eyes this time. He held his gaze, as if searching for anything that would give him reason to doubt again. When he found nothing, he gently eased out of Psyker’s hug and stood to full height, standing face to face with Psyker.

Trembling hands reached out hesitatingly to tentatively cup Psyker’s face. He held in a sigh and met Psyker’s eyes once again and was overtly relieved to find such a bold look, one that was gentle, yet encouraging all at once. He stopped shaking and realized, for the first time, his thoughts weren’t eating at him, weren’t crippling him with illogical fear.

Psyker did this.

He made the bad go away.

His heart swelled with such joy at this discovery and he leaned in to passionately kiss Psyker, hoping that his actions spelled out the feelings that words had failed him.

Because if this is what a relationship with Psyker was like, driving away his fears, and replacing it with new found confidence, affection and love, giving him strength, then he was sure he could face his troubles, past, present, or future. And any that he couldn’t face on his own, well, he would have Psyker there. He wasn’t alone and he never had to do anything alone, he realized that now. Each step they would take in this new relationship, it would always be together.

And for Mastermind, that was enough to melt away those doubts.

**Author's Note:**

> @ tumblr under mymastermine, as always


End file.
